


Knocking On Heaven's Door

by WhatsaBex



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Die Hard Marathon, F/M, Mac needs to open up, MacRiley is too precious, MacRiley oneshot, Post 5x05, RIP Jack Dalton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:00:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28858506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatsaBex/pseuds/WhatsaBex
Summary: After loosing Jack and finally catching Kovac, Riley and Mac decide to honor Jack's memory with a Die Hard marathon. But as grief and guilt weighs them down they need to help each other through the pain.
Relationships: Riley Davis & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 65





	Knocking On Heaven's Door

**Author's Note:**

> So Jack's gone. I still cannot accept it. I need at least 15 rewatches.   
> It's a oneshot inspired by our babies, MacRiley talking on the jet about a Die Hard marathon. 
> 
> I am not sure why I wrote this, but it helped. Hopefully it will help you all too.
> 
> Love you xx

**Knocking On Heaven’s Door**

The next day always came sooner than expected by either Riley or Mac. Three days ago they drove off in the GTO without any destination in mind. They kept going around in the city and after a while their chatter slowly died and the only thing filling the silence around them was the steady rhythm coming from the engine of the car and Jack’s favourite Johnny Cash songs. None of them felt the urge to say anything for a very long time. What was so uncomfortable around others seemed to be perfectly suitable for them. And yet judging by how tightly Riley was grabbing the wheel, Mac knew something shifted in her from excitement to sorrow again. He didn’t know what to say to her to make her feel better and it reminded him so much of Jack. He always knew how to help them with one surprisingly wise line. 

Riley’s hands were still holding the wheel as if her life depended on it, while her eyes turned from the road to Mac sitting next to her. He was trying hard not to let others see how much he was hurting but she noticed the same helplessness in his eyes that she saw in the mirror that morning. He tried to hide his hand in his pocket when he caught her watching, but he wasn’t fast enough. Riley could clearly see the bruises. She wanted to ask him how he was holding up but the question sounded so stupid even in her mind, she decided to stay quiet. She thought of Jack and how he always knew what to ask to get them to talk and then gave them one of his annoyingly wise advice. Thinking of him just made her chest tighten again so she told Mac maybe it was time to go home. As the GTO was hers now she drove Mac back to his house before returning home. They agreed on rescheduling the Die Hard-marathon to the next day then with a weak smile they said their byes. Right before she drove off she could see the door open and Desi walked out to hug Mac as soon as he reached her. With a heavy heart she thought he was in good hands. 

But on the next day Riley couldn’t bring herself to get out of bed or face Mac. She was still hurting and everytime she closed her eyes, Jack’s face appeared right before he left. He promised to come back. He promised and yet here she was all alone. She grabbed a pillow next to her and pulled it to her face and screamed louder than ever. When she finished crying she took her phone and sent a message to Mac to say something came up, they should postpone the movie marathon to the next day. On the other end of the phone Mac was out for a run trying to let go of some of the tension in his body. He already had extra 2 miles added to his usual trail but his mind was not at ease yet and he somehow didn’t want to go home. He knew Desi was trying to help, to prove she was there for him but somehow he couldn’t bring himself to talk to her. And now Riley took away the only thing he was waiting for.

And yet when the next day arrived, it was Mac’s turn to cancel. The night before he couldn’t sleep. He just listened to Desi’s breathing, watched as the night turned darker and darker outside of his window and then when Jack’s last words started echoing in his head he couldn’t stay in bed anymore. Just like in the morning, he went for a run in the dark just to collapse on one of the rocks and scream from the top of his lungs. It didn’t help much but he could feel a slight second of peace. Until it was snatched away from him again. He knew it was just a matter of time before he broke and knowing how much weight has been on Riley’s shoulders already, he couldn’t risk to burden her with his pain, too. So the next day he sent a message to her saying he had someone to help out and they should do the marathon the next day. Riley sent back a kind text saying tomorrow will be okay, then turned it off and left it on the table next to the Die Hard DVDs she prepared. She hopped into the GTO and drove up on the hills to watch as the sun hid behind the horizon with her arms crossed around her chest, hoping it would save her from falling apart.

The next morning both of them kept their eyes on their phones waiting which one of them would come up with an excuse. The truth was they both knew the other had no real plans and yet they lied to themselves. So this time there were no excuses. Both of them decided to pull themselves together for the sake of their friend… 

“Got us some beer,” Mac showed up at Riley’s door that afternoon. Both of them looked like they were trying very hard to hide something from the other but didn’t point it out. 

“Great, I just finished making some popcorn,” she invited him in. While they got ready for the movie marathon, putting the popcorn in a huge ball, getting some blankets and getting comfortable on the couch they casually talked about the others. Each question was answered with a short: yes, she is okay; haven’t talked to him; I guess it will be okay. It was not like them to tiptoe around each other but unbeknownst to one another they were way too close to the breaking point. One wrong question or answer could have pushed the other from the edge. 

So they started the movies and for a while nothing happened. They reached for the popcorn at the same time a few times before Riley decided she wasn’t really hungry. They were around half way through the movie when the air started to become too crowded with all the unsaid words. It was one of Jack’s favourite monologues that broke Riley’s will to sit this day through without putting her grief on Mac.

“It’s so weird,” Riley admitted and Mac looked at her curiously. “This is the first time I see this movie and hear Bruce Willis’s lines without Jack talking over him… It’s just not as fun as it was with him.”

“I know,” Mac nodded and swallowed hard. Seeing Riley’s eyes focusing on the screen while she was somewhere else in her mind, started to break him. He had to stay strong for her. “I can always learn the lines and say them if you want.”

“That’s very tempting but I’ll pass” Riles laughed a bit but almost immediately her face fell again. As if she felt guilty for being happy for even a split second. She kept her gaze on the screen for a couple of minutes, thinking about how to ask Mac about how he was. The bruises on his right hand were now dark purple-ish, but there were some new ones. Riley knew how much Mac detested violence and only turned to it when it was necessary. She remembered the way he smashed the wall at Jack’s place in Zagreb. Yes, he was definitely bottling up his anger and who knows what else. “I know I already said this, but you can talk to me about anything, I need you to remember that,” she said eventually. Mac didn’t turn to her, but he inhaled sharply and tried to put on a brave face like he usually did with Desi. 

“I am as okay as I can be, Riles, don’t worry,” he said, strictly focusing on the movie. He knew one look into Riley’s kind eyes, that sometimes could see right into his soul, and he would have broken down. He couldn’t do it. 

“No, you’re not,” Riles responded and there was nothing to do, Mac turned to her. “You have lost someone who was not simply a colleague or a friend but who loved you and whom you loved as a  _ brother _ . You lost another part of your family, Mac and that doesn’t go away, you can’t hack your mind to turn off your feelings,” her words started to fill the void that was around him in the last days. She was hurting and yet here she was reading him like a book. She moved a bit closer to him on the couch but she was still in safe distance, not touching him. Somehow it made his heart ache more. “You have such a big heart, Mac, it’s something I… something Jack and all of us truly admire about you. You always care about others before yourself. That’s why you came after me to play skee-ball, that’s why you came with me for a ride with the GTO and I am grateful for all of it. I know how strong you are even if you don’t see it that way right now… but you don’t always have to be. Not now, not with me. Losing Jack is too much to bear alone, let me help you carry it…” Her voice was pleading and her eyes kept his. They were both on the edge of a fall but maybe together it wasn’t going to be so hard, Mac thought. But as the minute passed and Mac didn’t react anything Riley thought she might have overstepped so she quickly continued while moved back to her end of the couch. “If not me then let someone help you, let someone be your strength this time.”

“Since I met Jack he was my strength, always supporting me even when I was doing something crazy but never letting me go alone” Mac let out a sigh. His eyes were burning and his breathing quickened. Riley saw the way Mac’s face changed and knew he was about to break. No matter how much her mind kept saying she wasn’t supposed to be the one holding him through this, her heart took over and she sat right next to him, taking his hand into hers. As their fingers intertwined Mac closed his eyes, letting the overwhelming feeling of grief slowly weigh him down. He had Riles next to him, he thought, and the way she held his hand felt like she was willing to take all the pain from him. Through his closed eyes he could feel tears gathering. “He was always the strong one, Riles, not me… No matter how many things I hacked without him having my back, it all meant nothing. And now, when he was out there facing danger I should have been the one to have his back. I can’t think of anything else but if I was there…”

“Don’t go down that path, Mac,” Riley begged him while she fought her own tears. “You think I haven’t thought about how if I helped him maybe I could have seen the connections earlier? I could have found so many ways to find Kovac and connect him to Vitez. Maybe he’d still be here today. We cannot know and it brings you only more pain to stick with maybes but nothing will ever bring him back, Mac.”

“We have survived so much, Riles, together we went through hell and came out alive so many times I have lost count…” he opened his eyes just so Riley could see how tortured he was. This man has lost a part of himself along with his brother and best friend and yet he tried to make sure she was doing fine. Riley felt a sudden urge to take him into her arms and whisper a thousand times that everything was going to be fine. But all she could do was to sit there and watch the man she deeply cared for break. It shattered her heart to see him like that and even though hers was still in way too much pain she would have done anything to take away his suffering. He deserved so much more than being the one who always loses. He deserved love and happiness and there was a time when Riley played with the thought of being the woman who could make sure he got both of those. When she didn’t say anything Mac turned away from her, sliding his hand out of hers and covered his face with it. “I can’t help it Riles. I close my eyes and I see him go into the building and then the bomb and I just lose it. If I was there…”

“Then you would be gone too!” Riley blurted it out. Her sudden response was filled with so many emotions it startled Mac. When he turned to her she was already on her feet, walking to the window. For a long minute she didn’t say anything else. Mac didn’t know what to say, words seemed to hurt her while for him they were finally setting him free. He stood up too and started to approach Riley when she turned around, tears falling down on her face. “If you were there you would be gone just like him… And I can’t even think of that! I can’t, Mac. I already have this hole in my heart and I feel like it keeps expanding everytime I see something that reminds me of him, or when I hear something and I am waiting for one of his stupid puns… but it never comes. Not anymore. But the thought of losing you too? It wouldn’t just create a hole in my heart: it would tear my whole heart out of my chest!”

Riley knew this time she said something she could never take back and even though she didn’t use  _ those _ words she still felt like she overshared her emotions. She hoped Mac wouldn’t read between the lines because it could have meant she ruined the only thing that still made her move forward. She needed him more than just a friend and for the last couple of months she made sure she forgot about this feeling. But now all of her strength was drained by the loss of the person she loved as her father. She couldn’t fight on two fronts at the same time. 

Mac kept looking at her, and so many thoughts ran through his brain it was impossible to read his face. He knew that their family meant everything to Jack and to him, too, so it was natural losing any one of them would be terrible for them. But seeing Riley so desperate and broken just by the thought of losing not only Jack but him too… it struck a nerve with Mac. Just imagining losing her made him feel the exact same desperation. No, he wouldn’t survive that, Riley was the only person who could still mend his heart, who made him feel he still had a life even though he was losing all hope. She was hope herself. 

Before he could have thought about what he was doing he moved forward and took Riley into his arm. He kept her close to his heart and as soon as she grabbed the back of his jacket to steady herself she let herself fall apart again. He couldn’t imagine this world without Riley Davis in it. It wouldn’t have been a world he was willing to live in. He pulled away so he could look her in the eye when he said the next words:

“I told you before and I am telling you again: you got me, I am not going anywhere.”

“Jack said the same and he did,” she said. Jack promised to be with her, promised to come back to her and yet here they were waiting for him to show up and make fun of them crying. 

“He left because he knew we would take care of each other,” Mac whispered and looked her deep in the eye. This was the first time he felt he said the right thing. All he had to do was let go of all the fears and overthinking, he just had to let his heart think for him this time. He swept out a stray hair from Riley’s eyes and framed her face with his hands. She took a shallow breath and looked at him. Even when he was heartbroken, he could still make her heart skip a beat just by looking at her. She instinctively leaned into his touch, forgetting about anything. Yes, he was there with her and she needed to make sure she relished every second of it. Life was too short and they got a hard reminder of that.

Mac couldn’t miss the moment when a deep sigh she let out as she closed her eyes and leaned into his hand caressing her face. She was still holding onto his jacket when she looked at him again. Her eyes were dark and deeper than any ocean, and somehow he wanted nothing else but to drown in them. He felt a magnetic force pulling him closer to her even though they were already sharing the same air. Just a little bit closer, he thought. Riley couldn’t help but notice the slight movement as if Mac wanted to… no, he definitely didn’t. She still leaned in without hesitation and her grasp tightened. If she learned something in the last couple of days was that she couldn’t take anything for granted. She needed this moment, she needed him to remind her she still had something to live for. Someone to live for. MAc felt like he was dreaming when Riley pulled a bit on his jacket and leaned in. His eyes were fixed on her face, her eyes, her lips trying to memorize every bit of it to remind him for this moment later. He never wanted anything more in his life than to kiss her, right then and there, making sure she knew how much he cared about her, how much he... But he couldn’t do it. Not like this. He layed a feather-like kiss on her forehead instead and held her until both of their breathings slowed down. “We are going to get through this, as long as we got each other we have a family, and I am not going anywhere, Riles.”

He didn’t say  _ those  _ words and yet he felt he said enough for her to understand how much she meant to. She only nodded to him when they pulled away. There was nothing left to say and most of the things lingering around them couldn’t have been expressed by words anyways. They sat down on the couch again, but this time not on the two ends. Mac was still holding her hand, keeping her close, drawing strength from her every time he looked at their joined hands. Riley pulled up her feet and adjusted to rest her head on Mac’s lap while they kept on watching the movie. Mac was right, Jack left them because he knew they would be there for each other through everything. While Riley’s breathing started slowing down as she fell asleep, Mac thought of all the things he didn’t tell Jack and now he couldn’t. He wanted to thank him for so many things. However, what Mac regretted the most was that he couldn’t thank him for bringing Riley into their lives. Into his life. He had to lose a part of himself along with Jack to finally realize what a mess his life became and the only person who could make him feel whole again was right there, sleeping like an angel in his lap. He didn’t need to keep knocking on heaven's door when they already sent her for him, he was just too blind to see it. Until now. 

When he looked down at Riley, who was still holding one of his hands, his heart that was heavy with grief, loss, guilt, pain and sorrow started to beat again. Just looking at her, knowing she was there for him no matter what, filled his whole body with peace, calmness, contentment, and happiness despite everything they have been through. There was one word for all those feelings gathering in his chest, something he should have recognized a long time ago: it was love. 


End file.
